North Pole, Earth — The word coming from sources within Santa’s Workshop is that Rudolph’s long running tinsel addiction has flared up once again.
The Red Nosed Reindeer has been moved to a secret location where he will be staying under the supervision of staff at the Betty Ford rehabilitation clinic. Our sources tell us that he has signed a six figure deal to star in next season’s, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew on the E! Network.
“Tinsel addiction is at its worst during the holiday season,” says Dr. Drew, “and it’s always been a problem issue with people from the North Pole. But I really think we’ll be able to make a difference by putting a spotlight on it with our show.”
The North Pole Maritime Association held a press conference today where a jolly elf dressed in red announced that Max, the Dog Files Mascot has been tapped to take Rudolph’s position tonight, should the weather around the world get any worse.
“We here at the North Pole couldn’t be more proud to add Max to the roster and we believe great things are in store for him tonight,” confirmed the chubby elf.
When asked by a member of the media if Max not having a red nose would hamper the sleigh ride, the jolly elf chimed in, “Did you happen to see the size of Max’s schnozz? No red nose needed here. Ho, ho, ho!”
Back in New Jersey where Max is awaiting pick up, he has confirmed that his antlers were delivered this morning by a group of tiny men dressed in green and red.
Max was surprised to see that the “antlers” were made of felt. Said one of the tiny folks, “Times are tough at the North Pole too!”
When asked for a comment, Max, the Dog Files Mascot said, “I’m in the best shape of my life and I’m ready to give my all to the team to make sure the world’s children get all their presents! But when it’s over, I’d advise Santa to put all the deer away quick because I love to chase them. Hey, what can I say, I’m a hound.”
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